No Kids

My husband and I have decided not to have children.  This decision came about as a result of many factors, but primarily because we long ago realized what the authors of the study in this article just figured out:  parents are delusional.  Not only do they trick themselves into believing having kids is a good financial investment, they also somehow manage to pretend they actually enjoy parenting. 

One of the reasons my husband and I get along so well is that we both are realists; we refuse to look at the world wearing the same blinders so many of our contemporaries insist on donning.  My clear understanding regarding the truth about being a parent comes primarily from the fact that I am the oldest of three children, and thus heard all of my mother's under-the-breath comments through the years.  "Kids: who needs em."  And, of course, the universal mantra:  "If I would have known then what I know now, I never would of had em."  For many years I resented my mother for letting me hear her musings.  But today, I hope she reads this thread and realizes how grateful I am that she shared her true feelings out loud.

My desire to remain childless also stems from my years of observing parents.  All of the supposed "joys" seemed like hassles and time-drains to me.  But still, I didn't completely rule out the thought of having a family until my husband's uncle and aunt adopted two children from Russia.  Before I go further, I must state unequivocally how much I adore them both.  But, from the first time I babysat, I realized one thing:  how good it felt to leave them behind and go home to my own peaceful condo.  The more time I spent with them, changing diapers and making bottles, doing dishes and folding laundry, giving baths and blow drying hair, the more I knew parenthood wasn't for me. 

Thankfully, my husband is on the same page.  He enjoys spending a couple quality hours a month with the children in our family, but doesn't feel the need to bring the chaos into our own home.  Unfortunately, I know this decision does not please everyone in our families.  But we are strong enough to make decisions for ourselves.

As a result of our decision, we have jokingly come to see children as "reasons" not to start a family.  For example, The little girl at target who was literally pulling down her mothers pants to get her attention, while the poor woman just tried to find her credit card, was reason 6,378.  We really don't have a list, but pretend we do and rank the instance higher based on how glad we are it isn't us in the adult role.

So, although it may not be socially acceptable to everyone, I have decided to start sharing this "list" here.  Hopefully we are not alone in finding the "joys" of parenting ironic, and humorous.
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3/17

Reason 4,321:  At Michael's today, a mom with 2 unruly children made me add one to this thread.  The 5ish year old little girl was throwing random items into mom's basket while the little boy showed her EVERY item they passed.  "Look, mommy!  A headband!  Look mommy!  an airplane!  Look mommy!  A pen!"  When she got to the check-out, I happened to be behind her.  She had to give the clerk a ball that had appeared with the stuff she actually needed.  Now, I realize part of the problem in this case was the mother's refusal to acknowledge her kids bad behavior.  But, the whole situation left me glad I never have to face such an embarrassing situation! 
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3/18

I have two to add:  First, reason 9,053 was spotted while my husband and I were driving together to the store.  The lady in front of us had several children in her car and was LITERALLY pulling her hair out.  I'm not talking about roughly combing her fingers through it.  She was grabbing it by the fistful and yanking with all of her might.  I don't know what was going on in that car, but seeing her reaction was reason enough for me to add this post.

The second is a story my girlfriend told me about her adult children, aged 21-25.  They closed the bars in Naperville two nights ago and ended up at my girlfriends house.  They were all smart and took cabs, but not their own homes.  When they arrived at my friend's, it was already 4 am.  They proceeded to make noise and keep her up until 6.  She specifically told one boy to turn off the tv before he fell asleep, and when she went out there to check an hour later, he had disappeared upstairs.  So, reason 20,900 is my desire never to run a brothel out of my home.  To make the story even worse, this was the THIRD time in a week half the drunk population ended up crashing in her house!
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4/7

Rarely do parents admit that having children isn't all that it is cracked up to be.  Yesterday, I had a candid conversation with my dermatologist.  She said that she often found herself envying her childless friends, and the freedom they have to live for themselves instead of their children.  On my last visit, she had told me how much she admired my resolve to ignore societal pressures and remain childless.  I appreciate her honesty more than she will ever realize!
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5/11

Reason 407:  Kids don't communicate in English even when they are able to communicate in English, in an attempt to get their way.  They tend to do this in stores that sell toys and candy, which seems to be everywhere these days.

My husband and I had to stop at Menard's to grab a sprinkler and some chicken wire to finish up our garden yesterday.  As we were checking out, there was a little girl behind us who kept crying and whining as if someone were yanking out her hair.  Her mother, incessantly asking "What do you want?" and getting a momentary pause in the action as the child pointed to the candy, didn't seem to understand asking again was useless.  She had denied the child the candy at least twenty times before we were able to pay and escape the madness.  I swear I almost went over there and bought her some damn gummy bears!

While I'm at it....

Reason 2,670:  Toddlers have no concept of time, or (Reason 13,400) proper etiquette.

While at church with my parents on Easter, I spent a lot of my time studying the people around me.  It was almost impossible for me to not notice the handsomely clad four year old boy in the pew behind us.  This is because he asked his aunt "Is the basket coming now?" about the same number of times as the clueless mother questioned her child in the scenario for reason 407 above.
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5/25

At T.G.I. Fridays last night, my husband and I were enjoying a moment of peace.  He had actually forgotten his phone for once, and we had already ordered and were just leaning forward to tell each other about our day.  But neither of us got a word out before it happened.  The loudest, most ear-splitting, shriek I had ever heard.  It was so loud, I could feel the hairs on the nape of my neck tingling.  It went on for a good 15 seconds, before it ended as quickly as it had begun.  Both of us had the same reaction . . . Reason 5. . . Never having to hear screams like that in the peace of our own house.
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6/29

According to an article I found linked on Yahoo from Details magazine, "children have gone from being an economic asset to an economic liability."  I couldn't agree more.

The average cost for middle class parents to see a single child through high school is over $286,000.  If you add in college, you are looking at as much as $400,000 total.  I couldn't imagine the pressure of knowing I had to save that much money.  The economy being as tight as it is, we struggle just to get by.

Couples with children also tend to be less happy in their marriage.  A 2009 study found that 90% of parents experienced a decline in marital bliss after the birth of their first child.  All the more reason I am glad we will not be having children!